I am Mom, Hear me Struggle
Being a mom is an honor and a privilege. I know there are so many people out there who want to be a mom with every fiber in their being, but whatever the reason or circumstance, they are unable. For this reason we shouldn't take being a mom for granted, which I know is sometimes easier said than done, especially on those really tough days.
Being a mom is far from glamorous. Sometimes we feel inadequate as parents because we can't give our children every little thing they desire. Sometimes we feel like we're missing out on fun when we don't act like Ms. Honey and Matilda, pushing all the furniture in the living room out of the way so we can play with hula hoops and roll all over the floor. (And if you don't get that previous sentence, then you've obviously never seen the movie Matilda) Sometimes we feel like bad parents when we have to discipline our children, sometimes constantly, because they won't obey. And then sometimes we feel like a failure as parents because our children don't listen. AT ALL. Even though they know better, they're still defiant.
We're fed so many lies daily through things we read on the internet, pictures we see on social media, and through movies and shows we watch on the TV. Lies like you're not good enough to be a mom, you're not doing a good enough job as a mom, you're never going to be like this mom over here who can give their kid all the best things. When you hear a lie repeated over and over again in your ear, you begin to believe it. You begin to believe it because that's all the lie wants you to see. The lie doesn't want you to see the truth. The lie doesn't want you to see that you ARE good enough. Why are you good enough? Because you work hard at what you do. Whether you're a stay at home mom or a working mom, you have a tough job. You're trying to raise these small people to become a functioning member of society, one who adds value to the world around them. You're trying to teach them right from wrong. You're trying to teach them to make good choices over bad choices. You're trying to get them to eat those blasted vegetables that always results in tears and whining from your child. It's hard for children to understand why they have to do all of these things, and they like to make that well known. All the while, you're just trying to remain calm and level headed when all you want to do is scream and throw a fit the way they do because you're at a standstill. But you press forward and push through because you know even though they're unhappy now, they'll be much happier 5 years down the road because they had boundaries and you made your kids stick to them.
You're not alone in your struggles. There are days where I feel like all I'm doing is disciplining, and those days always seem to be the hardest. Those are the days where you have to step out of the room to keep your kids from seeing you cry. Those are the days you want to crawl into a dark hole so you can hide from everyone and everything. We've had some not-so-good-days lately with our 4-year-old's behavior at school. He can be the absolute sweetest, but he also has a side that will come out at breakneck speed that makes you slam on the breaks and say "WHAAAAAAAAAT THEEEEEEEE HEEEEEEEECK???" I don't know why it happens, but it does. He just decides that he's going to do his own thing, and he's going to pull out all the stops while doing it. My husband has had to pull me off to the side and into another room only for me to start crying because it just breaks my heart to know that he's willfully made a terrible decision. Through all of these times I've learned that as a parent, I can instruct my child what's right and wrong all day long, but I can't make every decision for him. I won't always be there to give him that look of "You better think twice before you make that decision you know you'll get in trouble for later," and that kills me. But that's part of being a parent. You have to give your kids that space to make their own choices or they'll never learn. That's part of them growing up. Their growing up is inevitable, and that's why we have to treasure our time with them because it's fleeting. You blink and they're already graduating from college and engaged to be married 4 months later. Thank goodness I still have a while before I have to deal with that! Although our time with them is so short, we still have to have those tough parenting days so they can become responsible adults.
But for (what seems like) all the millions of tough days, sometimes you get treated with a really magical day with your kids. A day where everyone listens, and you can just sit back and watch your kids play all day long. They don't fight, they don't argue, AND they use all the manners you knew they knew how to use all along, even though they pretend they don't. Those days are such a joy, my friend, and they outweigh every "bad" or "rough" day you've ever had with them! A breath of fresh air! To see the happiness beaming from their faces, radiating like the bright sunshine on a cloudless day, is a victory. Though these days are few and far between, I can tell you all the hard days make that one day totally worth it. It's a memory you wish you could capture in a scrapbook, but the pictures and words wouldn't do it justice. If you haven't gotten there, you will. There will still be stormy seas, but there's always some sunshine along the horizon.
Your kids may not appreciate what you're trying to do now, but I guarantee they'll appreciate it one day when they have their own children. They'll appreciate that you stood firm and never waivered in your loving discipline. They'll appreciate that you taught them manners and how to treat others with respect when others don't do the same for them. They'll appreciate that you had them clean up for themselves when they go to their friend's house and help clear the table after a meal whilst the friend's mother praises him or her for being so unexpectedly helpful. They'll appreciate that you taught them to clean up the house the first time you ask them so that they can have all their chores out of the way for the weekend so they can play with their friends.
Sometimes we can only see what's right in front of our faces in the moment of struggle, but we need to remember that there's always a bigger picture. This small frame of time is just one snapshot that makes up the rest of your life. Do the hard work now, so that you can reap the benefits of it later. It won't be like this for long.
And then when it's not, you'll wish it still was.
**I need to be reminded of these things often, not because I forget, but because I need to be reminded of how blessed and thankful I should be to have the role of being a parent. We've been given an important role as caretaker. God handed us a precious gift that we're meant to treasure and guide so that he or she can fulfill the purpose they've been created for in their lifetime. We may not know what that purpose is, but it's our duty to guide them to the one who will show them the way.**
Until next time.
-Jor
Being a mom is far from glamorous. Sometimes we feel inadequate as parents because we can't give our children every little thing they desire. Sometimes we feel like we're missing out on fun when we don't act like Ms. Honey and Matilda, pushing all the furniture in the living room out of the way so we can play with hula hoops and roll all over the floor. (And if you don't get that previous sentence, then you've obviously never seen the movie Matilda) Sometimes we feel like bad parents when we have to discipline our children, sometimes constantly, because they won't obey. And then sometimes we feel like a failure as parents because our children don't listen. AT ALL. Even though they know better, they're still defiant.
We're fed so many lies daily through things we read on the internet, pictures we see on social media, and through movies and shows we watch on the TV. Lies like you're not good enough to be a mom, you're not doing a good enough job as a mom, you're never going to be like this mom over here who can give their kid all the best things. When you hear a lie repeated over and over again in your ear, you begin to believe it. You begin to believe it because that's all the lie wants you to see. The lie doesn't want you to see the truth. The lie doesn't want you to see that you ARE good enough. Why are you good enough? Because you work hard at what you do. Whether you're a stay at home mom or a working mom, you have a tough job. You're trying to raise these small people to become a functioning member of society, one who adds value to the world around them. You're trying to teach them right from wrong. You're trying to teach them to make good choices over bad choices. You're trying to get them to eat those blasted vegetables that always results in tears and whining from your child. It's hard for children to understand why they have to do all of these things, and they like to make that well known. All the while, you're just trying to remain calm and level headed when all you want to do is scream and throw a fit the way they do because you're at a standstill. But you press forward and push through because you know even though they're unhappy now, they'll be much happier 5 years down the road because they had boundaries and you made your kids stick to them.
You're not alone in your struggles. There are days where I feel like all I'm doing is disciplining, and those days always seem to be the hardest. Those are the days where you have to step out of the room to keep your kids from seeing you cry. Those are the days you want to crawl into a dark hole so you can hide from everyone and everything. We've had some not-so-good-days lately with our 4-year-old's behavior at school. He can be the absolute sweetest, but he also has a side that will come out at breakneck speed that makes you slam on the breaks and say "WHAAAAAAAAAT THEEEEEEEE HEEEEEEEECK???" I don't know why it happens, but it does. He just decides that he's going to do his own thing, and he's going to pull out all the stops while doing it. My husband has had to pull me off to the side and into another room only for me to start crying because it just breaks my heart to know that he's willfully made a terrible decision. Through all of these times I've learned that as a parent, I can instruct my child what's right and wrong all day long, but I can't make every decision for him. I won't always be there to give him that look of "You better think twice before you make that decision you know you'll get in trouble for later," and that kills me. But that's part of being a parent. You have to give your kids that space to make their own choices or they'll never learn. That's part of them growing up. Their growing up is inevitable, and that's why we have to treasure our time with them because it's fleeting. You blink and they're already graduating from college and engaged to be married 4 months later. Thank goodness I still have a while before I have to deal with that! Although our time with them is so short, we still have to have those tough parenting days so they can become responsible adults.
But for (what seems like) all the millions of tough days, sometimes you get treated with a really magical day with your kids. A day where everyone listens, and you can just sit back and watch your kids play all day long. They don't fight, they don't argue, AND they use all the manners you knew they knew how to use all along, even though they pretend they don't. Those days are such a joy, my friend, and they outweigh every "bad" or "rough" day you've ever had with them! A breath of fresh air! To see the happiness beaming from their faces, radiating like the bright sunshine on a cloudless day, is a victory. Though these days are few and far between, I can tell you all the hard days make that one day totally worth it. It's a memory you wish you could capture in a scrapbook, but the pictures and words wouldn't do it justice. If you haven't gotten there, you will. There will still be stormy seas, but there's always some sunshine along the horizon.
Your kids may not appreciate what you're trying to do now, but I guarantee they'll appreciate it one day when they have their own children. They'll appreciate that you stood firm and never waivered in your loving discipline. They'll appreciate that you taught them manners and how to treat others with respect when others don't do the same for them. They'll appreciate that you had them clean up for themselves when they go to their friend's house and help clear the table after a meal whilst the friend's mother praises him or her for being so unexpectedly helpful. They'll appreciate that you taught them to clean up the house the first time you ask them so that they can have all their chores out of the way for the weekend so they can play with their friends.
Sometimes we can only see what's right in front of our faces in the moment of struggle, but we need to remember that there's always a bigger picture. This small frame of time is just one snapshot that makes up the rest of your life. Do the hard work now, so that you can reap the benefits of it later. It won't be like this for long.
And then when it's not, you'll wish it still was.
**I need to be reminded of these things often, not because I forget, but because I need to be reminded of how blessed and thankful I should be to have the role of being a parent. We've been given an important role as caretaker. God handed us a precious gift that we're meant to treasure and guide so that he or she can fulfill the purpose they've been created for in their lifetime. We may not know what that purpose is, but it's our duty to guide them to the one who will show them the way.**
Until next time.
-Jor
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