I think I can?
Whoa nelly! Hold the phones. Two posts in one week! Either I'm just trying to find something to fill up my time while Noah sleeps, or the world is seriously ending. We'll go with the first one, just because I don't want the world to end just yet!
I guess I really more just wanted to write a post today because I actually went out to exercise for the first time in a really, really looooooooong time. Let me tell you, trying to exercise after you've been pregnant for 9 months is definitely a huge challenge. For me, the challenge really isn't the motivation to actually get out there and do something--it's trying not to beat myself up because I'm a time person. I don't care about where I place in a race--I want a good time; I want to run the fastest I've ever run. And at this point in time, that really has to take the back burner. My "workout" this morning was a very humbling one--probably the most humbling workout I've ever had in the 8 years of competitive running. It makes me so sad to see where I was in November 2011 and where I am now shape-wise. Yes people, I know I just had a baby almost 3 weeks ago, and I know it takes TIME to get back into shape--I really do get that, I promise. Why it makes me sad is because I never truly understood how stinkin' tiny I was prior to getting pregnant, and I honestly took it for granted. People would constantly tell me how small I was, and I would just brush them off because I didn't see myself how others saw me. I didn't see myself how others saw me until I was standing in my closet one day a few months ago in tears because nothing fit and I felt like a beached whale. Yes, nothing fit because I was like 5 months pregnant, but I wondered how I ever fit into those clothes in the first place. I've always been pretty self-conscious about how I look, and I get even more self-conscious when people make comments about how I look..even if what was said was totally meant as a compliment. I mean, I've always felt so awkward, and not so tiny at all. But now, looking back, at 5"11 and somewhere between 124-130 pounds, that's pretty stinkin' tiny! By the time my pregnancy was over, I weighed somewhere around 170 pounds (holy cow), and after I had Noah I was 149 pounds (I haven't stepped on a scale since). Honestly, weighing in the 140's to 150's is probably where I'm supposed to be for my height, right? I still don't like that, but I am so thankful that I'm "small" again because I have some wardrobe options now and I can move a whole lot faster than I could when I was pregnant. My size 4 jeans though..I'l get back into you without sucking in as much as I possibly can just to button you. One day, I will dominate you.
But anyway, back to my workout this morning, since that's the real reason I'm writing this. Like I said, I'm a time person. I'm not really a fan of walking, and I'm not really a fan of running a 10 minute mile because I know I can run so much faster than that. When I was in shape, I was clocking off 7:00-7:30 mile pace on my easy runs, and I could run 8 miles under an hour (and leave my coach in the dust at the end of the run because he didn't realize that I was picking up the pace..haha, right Todd?). Right now, all of that seems like it's a million miles away, far, far from my reach. And you know what? After this morning, I decided that was okay. I knew starting back was going to be difficult, but I didn't really prepare myself mentally for what I was getting myself into. As much as I didn't want to, I decided I would start off with a 10 minute walk as a warm-up, and then I'd run at least 1 mile and finish up with another 10 minute walk for a cool-down. Easy peasy, right? Well, sometimes, plans change mid-workout. I couldn't even run longer than 4.5 minutes. 4 minutes 30 seconds. What? Sure, I probably could have run longer than that, but anyone who knows me well enough knows that hills are NOT my favorite friend. And that hill this morning defeated me. I did make it to the top without stopping, I was determined to do that, but I don't think I could have made it much further. Thinking about it, and saying that I could only run for that long makes me so ashamed, but at the same time, I'm not running for anyone else anymore. I'm clearly doing this just for me, and if I can only run that long for right now, that's okay because it won't be like that forever. Anyone who has been through the child-birthing experience knows how much you had to put your body through, and how much your body lost. I'm honestly probably still recovering from the whole ordeal, and I could tell that as soon as I took that first running step. My body was worn out after a whopping 20 minutes, but it felt so amazing to be working up a sweat again. I've always felt my best after a grueling workout, and I've always thought I look the best after I've pretty much just left everything I had out on a cross country course or a track and look like death. Sweat, dirt, bugs and all, I feel like I look my best at my worst.
Today was the hardest workout I've ever had, but I know it can only get better and easier from here.
I guess I really more just wanted to write a post today because I actually went out to exercise for the first time in a really, really looooooooong time. Let me tell you, trying to exercise after you've been pregnant for 9 months is definitely a huge challenge. For me, the challenge really isn't the motivation to actually get out there and do something--it's trying not to beat myself up because I'm a time person. I don't care about where I place in a race--I want a good time; I want to run the fastest I've ever run. And at this point in time, that really has to take the back burner. My "workout" this morning was a very humbling one--probably the most humbling workout I've ever had in the 8 years of competitive running. It makes me so sad to see where I was in November 2011 and where I am now shape-wise. Yes people, I know I just had a baby almost 3 weeks ago, and I know it takes TIME to get back into shape--I really do get that, I promise. Why it makes me sad is because I never truly understood how stinkin' tiny I was prior to getting pregnant, and I honestly took it for granted. People would constantly tell me how small I was, and I would just brush them off because I didn't see myself how others saw me. I didn't see myself how others saw me until I was standing in my closet one day a few months ago in tears because nothing fit and I felt like a beached whale. Yes, nothing fit because I was like 5 months pregnant, but I wondered how I ever fit into those clothes in the first place. I've always been pretty self-conscious about how I look, and I get even more self-conscious when people make comments about how I look..even if what was said was totally meant as a compliment. I mean, I've always felt so awkward, and not so tiny at all. But now, looking back, at 5"11 and somewhere between 124-130 pounds, that's pretty stinkin' tiny! By the time my pregnancy was over, I weighed somewhere around 170 pounds (holy cow), and after I had Noah I was 149 pounds (I haven't stepped on a scale since). Honestly, weighing in the 140's to 150's is probably where I'm supposed to be for my height, right? I still don't like that, but I am so thankful that I'm "small" again because I have some wardrobe options now and I can move a whole lot faster than I could when I was pregnant. My size 4 jeans though..I'l get back into you without sucking in as much as I possibly can just to button you. One day, I will dominate you.
But anyway, back to my workout this morning, since that's the real reason I'm writing this. Like I said, I'm a time person. I'm not really a fan of walking, and I'm not really a fan of running a 10 minute mile because I know I can run so much faster than that. When I was in shape, I was clocking off 7:00-7:30 mile pace on my easy runs, and I could run 8 miles under an hour (and leave my coach in the dust at the end of the run because he didn't realize that I was picking up the pace..haha, right Todd?). Right now, all of that seems like it's a million miles away, far, far from my reach. And you know what? After this morning, I decided that was okay. I knew starting back was going to be difficult, but I didn't really prepare myself mentally for what I was getting myself into. As much as I didn't want to, I decided I would start off with a 10 minute walk as a warm-up, and then I'd run at least 1 mile and finish up with another 10 minute walk for a cool-down. Easy peasy, right? Well, sometimes, plans change mid-workout. I couldn't even run longer than 4.5 minutes. 4 minutes 30 seconds. What? Sure, I probably could have run longer than that, but anyone who knows me well enough knows that hills are NOT my favorite friend. And that hill this morning defeated me. I did make it to the top without stopping, I was determined to do that, but I don't think I could have made it much further. Thinking about it, and saying that I could only run for that long makes me so ashamed, but at the same time, I'm not running for anyone else anymore. I'm clearly doing this just for me, and if I can only run that long for right now, that's okay because it won't be like that forever. Anyone who has been through the child-birthing experience knows how much you had to put your body through, and how much your body lost. I'm honestly probably still recovering from the whole ordeal, and I could tell that as soon as I took that first running step. My body was worn out after a whopping 20 minutes, but it felt so amazing to be working up a sweat again. I've always felt my best after a grueling workout, and I've always thought I look the best after I've pretty much just left everything I had out on a cross country course or a track and look like death. Sweat, dirt, bugs and all, I feel like I look my best at my worst.
Today was the hardest workout I've ever had, but I know it can only get better and easier from here.
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