"Turd-ish"

I am totally kicking myself right now for a couple reasons:

1.  I clearly don't have a knack for keeping blogs

2.  I just downloaded $23 worth of music and didn't download the one song I really would have enjoyed having in my music collection.

It's one of those songs that when you first hear it, you're just like "Oh. My. Goodness. Someone get me a pen so I can write this down!" and it just gets you in a really good mood.  But then, the more and more you listen to it, you just get chills that run down your spine, and you get all sorts of goosebumps on your arms, legs, neck, you know--any place you have skin really.  It becomes so addicting, that you have to listen to it over and over because you WANT to know every last word just the way it's sung, complete with the notes you know you can't hit, but you try anyway.  Once the words to the songs are learned, you think it's all gravy, but then....the more you listen to it, it just pierces your heart, and gives you all sorts of emotions that you are going into crazy emotion overload.  The words really start sinking in at this point, and you find yourself listening instead of singing because you're hanging on every last word, every. last. note. 

"I am the thorn in Your crown

But You love me anyway

I am the sweat from Your brow

But You love me anyway

I am the nail in Your wrist

But You love me anyway

I am Judas' kiss

But You love me anyway

See now I am the man who yelled out from the crowd

For your blood to be spilled  on this earth shaking ground

Yes then, I turned away with a smile on my face

With this sin in my heart tried to bury your grace

And then alone in the night I still called out for you

So ashamed of my life, my life, my life, my life"

Now, I don't know about you, but HELLO!?!? Would you be so sure to turn around and give your life for someone who called for your blood to be spilled, who was thrilled that you were beaten, bloodied, and bruised, then nailed on a cross to endure pain that we can't even begin to fathom?  Would you even be so sure as to forgive someone for such atrocious acts? 

No, I didn't think so.

We are all such little turds sometimes.  I mean really, I obviously spend way more time reading books that my (fabulous) boyfriend gave me for Christmas than delving into the book that truly should (and does) matter to me.  Why do I spend so much of my time doing other things than spending time with God on a daily basis?  Because I'm clearly selfish, that's why.  I'm human, I have human tendencies.  Thankfully though, I serve a God who looks over those "turd-ish" things I do and forgives me no matter what.  I am unworthy of such affection, love, and devotion from Him, but he freely gives it.

And by george, I'm taking it and running with it...like I stole something...because it all seems to good to be true.  But you know what?

It's not :)

"If the world hates you, remember that it hated me first"
  John 15:18